December 2009
Look back and think really hard: how many times have i ignored you in any way, shape, or form? when you call, how many times do i ignore your calls? when i miss your calls, how many times do i not call back? when you text me, how many times do i fail to reply? if you write me an email, how many times do i ignore it? when you send me a facebook chat, how many times do i choose not to reply? i...
A - Available: Not Necessarily. B - Best Friend: RJ. C - Crush: RJ D - Dad’s Name: Miguel E - Easiest Person To Talk To: RJ F - Favorite Band: Rilo Kiley G - Gummy Bears Or Worms: Worms H - Hometown: Pomona, Ca I - Instrument: a long time ago i learned how to play the clarinet J - Job: student K - Kids: currently none L - Longest Car Ride: trip to Humboldt…39 hours roundtrip? M - Milk...
kari-shma:
ohryankelley:
Wilco & Feist -...
Baptizing A Drunk
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
“Yes I am” replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the...
A Dog's Purpose from a 6-year old)
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old...
Difficult To Say
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3....
“We are not Groupies. Groupies sleep with rockstars because they want to be near...”
– Penny Lane Almost Famous
“That groupie”? She was a Band-Aid! All she did was love your band. And you...”
– William Miller Almost Famous
“Some people have a hard time explaining rock ‘n’ roll. I don’t...”
– Jeff Bebe Almost Famous
“I’m never as good as when you’re there.”
– Russel Hammond Almost Famous
“if i give my heart to you i must be sure from the very start that you will love...”
– If I Fell Janovitz Pierson Parker
“That’s because we’re uncool. And while women will always be a...”
– Lester Bangs Almost Famous
“The only true currency in this bankrupt world… is what you share with...”
– Lester Bangs Almost Famous
copycats:
Frosty the Snowman by Fiona Apple...
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